Skip to main content

To my married friends: Please don't forget me

To all my married friends:
Please don't forget about me.

I need you.
Let me explain.

I need to know I'm not half of a whole. I know that none of you consciously believe this, but sometimes it can seem like that's what you think. When only couples or families get invited to lunch after church, dinner, game nights, etc, it can make those of us who are "unattached" feel a little less-than. It makes it super easy to fall for the lie that I will only have value to offer the community once I have a partner.

I need to know that marriage is not easy. I can sometimes get trapped in "the grass is greener" thinking, as if singleness is a hard season to be endured but once/if I get married it will all be great! I know better, of course; I know that neither singleness nor marriage is easier than the other, that each season has its own difficulties and joys. But sometimes I need to be reminded, and what better way to be reminded than to get to see YOUR marriage up close?

However, let me add: I do NOT need you to "sour grapes" marriage for me. Please don't tell me that I'm "lucky" because I "don't have to deal with XYZ." In case you either never discovered, or have forgotten, singleness has its own brand of "XYZ" with which we have to deal.

I need to know I still matter to you as a friend and person. (This one is for those with whom I was friends before you were married.) I get it. You're building a new life with your new lifelong best friend, and believe me, I'm not trying to take away from or compete with that. I'm happy for you and I wholeheartedly support you in this beautiful, exciting journey! But if we're being honest, being cast aside like an old shoe you've outgrown while you "move on in life" is hard and painful. If possible, could you find ways to make room for me to still be part of that life? Also, I want to be friends with the person who captured your heart, too!! I would so much rather "third wheel" than be always left behind.

I need to see how relationships work. I still hope and plan to be building my own marriage someday, and one of the best ways I can use this waiting season is to see what works (or doesn't!) in other relationships. Except...if I only ever get distant glimpses of those relationships, I'm only getting the highlight reel and that's not helpful. And just know, if you have kids, I'm also watching to learn how to parent the children I dream of having, too.

I need to be reminded that God still writes love stories. It's a truth I know and hold dear, but the longer I wait the easier it is to get discouraged. You know what one of the most encouraging things is? Seeing real life love stories lived out for the glory of God. It doesn't need to be perfect to be beautiful!

I need YOU. As much as I need to be valued as an individual, I also value YOU as an individual. You are also not half of a whole, and you matter to me as a friend and a person. If I count you a friend, please know that you are a treasure in my life and it is my joy to invest in our relationship. I just...also need you to invest in our relationship. 

Please. I need you. Don't forget about me.

Love,
The girl who is still single
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sex & "the good Christian single"

 Yep. Buckle up, we're going there. This post might get a little uncomfortable, but it's a topic that can't exactly be ignored! And, as I said at the beginning of this little "series" earlier this year, "my goal is to be uncomfortably honest, vulnerable, real, raw." Besides, the world is talking about sex all the time , and if we as Jesus-followers don't talk about it from a Jesus-perspective, the world is going to shape the views and opinions of sex for an entire generation. Or two. Or more.  Let's start with some basic statements just for the sake of clarity: 1. Sex is God's idea, and it is good.  All through the Bible, from Adam & Eve being "naked & unashamed" in the garden of Eden (Genesis 2), to the graphic love poetry of Song of Solomon, to Paul exhorting husbands and wives to freely share their bodies with one another in 1 Corinthians 7, the Bible paints a picture of sex within marriage being good, beautiful, encourag
Post a Comment
Read more

Six Flags!

Some would no doubt consider it a strange "Sabbath kick-off", but for me a trip to Six Flags Over Texas (in Arlington) was just the ticket! Between my love of roller coasters, the nostalgia this place holds, and the healthy benefits of fresh air and sunshine, it was fantastic. Oh, and the company was pretty great, too. The only thing that could have made it better would have been to have my "OG Six Flags fam" along--aka, my family and the Vests, of course! Six Flags has always been about facing and overcoming fear for me. I was a very fearful/timid child, and as an adult looking back I think one of the best things my parents did for my little anxious self was take me to ride roller coasters!! (I would insert the "tears of joy" emoji here if I could!) I was coaxed and cajoled on to rides I was hesitant about, but never forced to ride anything--though I waited in every line with them and I was not allowed to complain. Every year, there were rides where
Post a Comment
Read more

oh, look! it's a blog!

I really thought I was going to do better at blogging this month. Ha! I have a post in my drafts section that I started two weeks ago, but there it sits. It's going to require more time and thought to finish than I have at this moment, so it will have to wait. However, it IS going to get finished and posted at some point! :) Today, for most of the day it's just Jonathan and I here at home. Weird, huh? Daddy, Micah, and Josiah are at a men's retreat/camp-out with the church, and Momma had to work today. So, Jonathan and I are hanging out (read: cleaning house and putting the new sheets on the beds and icing cupcakes :) ). This evening, there is a "praise for pro-life" thing at a church here in Springtown that we're planning to go to. It's a fundraiser for a pregnancy center. (October 24, 6 pm, Outreach of Love church on Hwy 199 in Springtown, admission is a baby bottle full of change...just in case anyone wanted to know!) Tomorrow after church, we're ha
Post a Comment
Read more