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It's Me Again

Happy Thanksgiving!! 
Or, day after Thanksgiving, anyway. I hope you all had a wonderful, blessed day yesterday, whatever your celebrations may have looked like!! 

Today's post is simply an unedited prayer that I wrote as a poem in March of 2018 and recently re-discovered when I was clearing out the notes on my phone. Since it fits so perfectly with what I've been talking about, I thought I'd give you a glimpse into the raw emotion that I often feel is best expressed with a little rhythm and rhyme. Enjoy! 

Hello, Lord, it's me again, 
Back in this old place again 
Where it feels like all my dreams have come to die. 

The life that I thought I would live, 
With a godly husband and lots of kids, 
Seems more and more impossible every day. 

I want to be held in strong, gentle arms, 
Be loved by a man who will shield me from harm, 
Someone to snuggle besides just a teddy bear. 

I want someone to walk through life with, 
To laugh and cry and fight with, 
Not perfection but who is chasing after You. 

I want mud pies, hugs and kisses, 
Little men and little misses, 
To fill my life with chaos, tears and joy. 

I know it's the hardest job on earth, 
To raise little people from the day of birth, 
But it's the one I've always wanted most of all. 

I know I am not incomplete, 
That You fulfill my every need, 
That a family of my own is not the answer. 

But somehow, I just miss them so, 
These people I don't even know, 
Who have a place already in my heart. 

And sometimes I get mad at You, 
'Cause I don't like the way You move, 
But in the end I know You're only good. 

You know every ache and every longing, 
The deep desire for belonging, 
All my struggles and my failures, You have seen. 

You don't forget, and still You see 
And You even love little old me, 
And Lord--I love and want You more than all of this.
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